C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
