so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
