he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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