butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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