I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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