i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
