i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
