How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So apparently I’m into choking now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
