Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
