i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize