I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
