capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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