so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
