Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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