my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
