i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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