I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize