I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I FOUND THE LEGS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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