Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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