It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
