You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What drink are we having for lunch?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
