Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
