i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
