Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
