defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
