I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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