drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
