Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
