Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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