I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
