It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize