Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
