cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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