how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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