So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
