I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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