i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
