Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize