I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
