From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im six kinds of drunk right now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
