Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize