I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
