Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
