I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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