Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
