I could make wine with my vomit
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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