it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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