i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Randomize
