I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
