....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
