You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
