you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I checked into jail on foursquare
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
