i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
