you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
