You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I love having hate sex.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
