my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
