Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
