Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
