The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
