I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
