i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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