just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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