You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
