My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
