First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
