I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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