I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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